2. Of cages and freedom

   When I posted my first blog entry the other day I was thinking of updating once a week or so, but here I am again. The reason? Well, I said that at the moment I'm not willing at all to go back to Italy, but something just happened. Something that I hadn't expected at all: I just got bitten by homesickness. Kind of.

   Let me explain it properly. Before we moved closer to the centre, I used to live in a nice village with houses built of stones. A place in my memory so beautiful I couldn't possibly describe it. Between two mountains, such that in winter sun shone for just a few hours (no wonder I don't have problems in the Finnish winter), and that TV signal couldn't reach us that well and we had to use a satellite dish (but that was long before the introduction of digiboxes). There was a stream, you could actually swim in it, the water was so cold you were afraid of entering it (again, why do you think ice swimming doesn't sound that crazy to me?), and outside the village just woods. Woods everywhere, as far as the eye could see. And, believe it or not, it wasn't even that far from the city centre. The bad thing (at the time) was that there were just a couple of buses during the day and my grandmother was getting old, plus a few other accidents that I don't want to recall now, so my parents decided that we would be happier in another place and we left. But how I loved that place!

   It's mostly out of everyday routes, but once in a while it becomes popular, as they have a fair. The village, in fact, is known for its camellias, there's even a place where they use them to make tea and I think that's the only one in Italy. Or maybe it isn't but anyway camellia tea isn't common in Italy, and people from Japan come to visit the place during the fair. During those days there are more buses going to and fro, as only residents can enter the village by car. And yes, that fair is taking place now. I've never been so interested in it, the place becomes too crowded, but one of my Facebook friends went there and took some pictures. I checked them through and that's when I felt the bite. And it's my first time ever since I moved to Finland in September 2009. Sh*t, it hurts.

   I started wondering why it feels so bad, then I realized something. I love it for the same reason I love Finland: I had freedom, I had woods and I could walk around almost as much as I wished. And this, considering my extremely overprotective parents, was something great. I have to write it big and in bold, I would make it shine if I could. There weren't cars, basically, so they weren't worried that someone could hit or kidnap me, they left me even 20 minutes of freedom at a time! No, I'm not joking. I could go wherever I wanted but at 20 minutes interval I had to go back home, and then I could leave again. Mobile phones weren't that popular at the time (I don't even know if there was any signal there) and I was too young for one (we lived there when I was between 12 and 15 years old, I got my phone just months before we moved, and not because I wanted it but because my parents thought I would become more reachable - and perhaps that's why I hate phones). But yes, going back to my teenager past-times: it wasn't that much, but it was freedom. And for the first time.

   I love it for the same reason I love Munich, it was my first trip abroad without my family, and I even got some time to visit the city alone. For the same reason I love Würzburg, this was just last year but I was exploring the place by myself the whole time. And, as I said, for the same reason I love Finland. I have changed a lot since I came here, you could say I grew up (in the sense of gaining wisdom) in Helsinki; that's why I thought I loved Finland: everyone loves the place where they grow up, don't they? But actually not, or maybe that's not just it. The reason is freedom. Pure and simple.

   On the one hand, then, that's good news for someone: it means I could eventually go back to Italy, there's a place where I could live without missing anything major, and it's even in my hometown. On the other hand it raises a few worrying questions: will my thirst for freedom ever get satisfied? Will I ever feel limited by the people which are the closest to me? And what will happen then?

1. Of epicness and everyday life

   Since I decided to open my umpteenth blog I've been thinking about the best way to start it, and what to talk about. I have some ideas in mind, but nothing special: a picture/drawing/video (not necessarily mine) and a related text written by me. Of course the difficult part is the choice of the topic, but at least for this week I found something which I think fits quite nicely.

   If you have read the page about me you have probably figured out I love adventures but unfortunately can't live them (but who can?). The closest thing I can do is walking around, and luckily Finland offers me lots of woods, lakes and fields where to get lost. The bad side is that, as I often spend weekends working, I don't have much time to take advantage of that. This is the reason why I have problems with what I'm doing: I feel so trapped. Like a bird flying around in a golden cage; yes, it's comfortable, but I can't get out and I'd rather hit the bars until I start bleeding than stay there. But the other option is to quit and go back to Italy, and for lots of reasons this is something I don't want right now, so I have to make a compromise.

   How? Well, that's easy. My working place is within one hour walking distance from where I live, and Finland has this great side that I already mentioned of having wonderful landscapes, even in the capital city. So if I have to go to work, as I did today (I'm writing while I wait for the microscope to scan some stuff), I just wake up a little earlier and walk. There are lots of different routes I can take, one goes straight to the lab, the others make me wander a little, some go even in a completely different direction, from where I can then take a bus, and that's fine with me. For the moment at least.

   So just imagine walking through the snowy woods, on a day which is as sunny as it is cold, but without any wind. Imagine being completely alone, but at the same time without feeling lost and lonely. That's what I always feel in the forest, the nature and the trees are somehow keeping me company. It's great.

   But you know, my mind tends to travel faster than my feet, I see things around me and I imagine something else, I'm in so many different places at the same time. Music helps a lot in this case, it makes my walking even more interesting. So, going back to the forest, imagine again being there, on a morning such as the one I just described. Your mp3 player decides to help you with Korpiklaani (by the band with the same name ;) ), Jaktens Tid (by Finntroll) and Guardians of Asgaard (by Amon Amarth). If you like this kind of songs you can really feel the epicness building in and around you, to the point of climaxing.

   And then, this. 

   That just ruined the epic moment, didn't it? But, well, that's basically my life just now. Walking through woods is great, but even the biggest forest comes eventually to an end, and everyday life waits on the outside. The only chance to better this is to change my everyday life, and I probably will at some point. Hopefully not only in my head.